These are the facts of the case and they are undisputed: Sometimes, we humans can't spend four hours making dinner. In fact, sometimes, we humans can't spend two hours making dinner. Along those lines, sometimes, we humans can't spend one hour making dinner.
Especially if we humans have a houseful of kids and dogs, soccer practice (yes, it has already begun), football meetings (yes, they have already begun), and a million and four things going on.
Last night was one of those nights. So I made French bread pizzas!
And all the problems of the world were solved.
The thing about these French Bread Pizzas is… I didn't even use French bread! I used these good ol' deli rolls, because that's what I have available in my small town grocery store, Maynard. If you can find small baguettes or crusty sandwich rolls, those would be good.
But these work just fine, too!
And I'm sorry I called you Maynard.
Then I just grabbed a whole bunch of stuff from my fridge and pantry! Some I wound up not using, other things (not pictured) I brought in at the last minute. Variety is the spice of life with these babies.
The first thing I got started were some caramelized onions: I violently threw some butter in a skillet over medium heat…
Then I angrily sliced up an onion and threw it in…
And cooked 'em…
Until they were nice and golden brown.
Caramelized onions are my love language.
I also done fried up some of that there sausage stuff.
You can use Italian sausage if you want to be cool.
But you can use this breakfast sausage stuff if you want to be like me.
Go ahead and brown the stuff, but if you really, really want to be like me, don’t take a photo of the browned sausage in the pan, okay? Because that would be way too linear and logical and my brain doesn’t work that way.
I also was moved deep in my spirit to cut up a pineapple.
So that’s what I did!
Thin slices. Eat one. Then eat another one. Then save the rest for the pizza.
Once you’ve got all your toppings together, grate up a whole bunch of mozzarella cheese. You can use the good, fresh stuff if you have it… or just the stuff in the supermarket.
Split the rolls in half and lay them all on a baking sheet… then grab the pizza sauce, which is nothing more than jarred marinara, man.
Spread it over half of the roll halves….
Then, pile on the cheese…
And whatever toppings you'd like! There's pepperoni for the dudes in my house…
Cooked sausage, too!
If you haven't eaten them all yet, do a caramelized onion version.
Divine!
And guess what? You can use jarred pesto as the pizza “sauce.”
It's a world gone mad.
All it needs is cheese and tomatoes!
Raise your hand if you like Canadian bacon and pineapple!
*Raising hand*
If I’d had green bell peppers, I would’ve sliced ’em thin and threw a couple of rings on here.
Here, I did a four-cheese version. Only I didn’t use four cheeses. I used two. Which I guess makes it a two-cheese version. But I’ve never heard of a two-cheese pizza. So I guess what I made here was a cheese pizza. But I’m still going to call it a four-cheese pizza. Cool with you?
Thank you for indulging me.
So that’s basically the story: I just built and built. Caramelized onions…
Sausage…
Pepperoni…
Canadian Bacon/Pineapple…
Black Olive…
Four Cheese, which is actually Two Cheese, which is actually Cheese, which I’m actually going to call Four Cheese anyway. And here, because I had no parsley in my garden (it’s really inconvenient) I chopped up some basil and threw it on, which is going to turn black as soon as it hits the oven, but I tried…
Tomato Basil…
Oh! And strips of Roasted Red Pepper on a pesto base.
Sausage, Olive, and Caramelized Onion on the same pizza. Scandal!
And there you go! A nice colorful assortment. Now just throw ’em in the oven! I put them on the lowest rack in a 375 degree oven at first, because I wanted to give the bread a chance to get a little crisp without cooking the toppings too much. After about 8-10 minutes, I cranked up the heat and moved them to the top rack for a couple of minutes.
And here they are! A little something for everyone.
(I threw some basil leaves over the Four Cheese Two Cheese Cheese Four Cheese version after it came out of the oven to cover up the black flecks. Always have whole basil leaves around; they cover a multitude of sins.)
I probably could have gone a little longer to get the cheese a little more brown… but I was hungry, man.
Can't beat good ol' pepperoni. This is where Marlboro Man lives.
I live anywhere caramelized onions reside. They are not only my love language, they’re also my life, my purpose, and my heart.
But sausage pizza? Mmmmm. There's something about it.
Enjoy these, guys! Nothing simpler in the world, and they're perfect for a slumber party, football gathering, or just any weeknight when you don't have a ton of time.
